pangs of guilt
grabe na to... napapansin ko na nagiging salbahe na ako... napansin ko na pag na-imberna ako sa isang tao, hindi ko sinasabi sa kanila bcoz i'm not confrontational by nature.
so i end up letting go of all the bad stuff inside me by telling it to someone... shempre i feel bad coz i feel like, actually, i am, talking about them behinde their backs... ayoko ng ganito.
so ano na?
e di ma gui-guilty ako and to try to relieve my overwhelming guilt, i try to 'make it up' to that person by being super nice and helpful.. ngayon, ang fake naman... ayoko talaga ng talking about people behind their backs pero i can't help it na... hindi kasi ako mahilig makipag-away and ayoko nang ma-stress...
lalo na ang babaw ng mga reasons kung bakit ako naiimberna.. for example... side commments that are totally unnecessary. yan talaga ang #1 kinabwibwisitan ko.... n yun mga parining na alam kong nakakasakit ng ibang tao... i just don't like it... at mga nagmamagaling na lumalabas na hindi naman talaga magaling dahil nagmamagaling sila--- gulo nun ha.
i don't know if alam nung mga tao na naiimberna na ako sa kanila pero i try hard talaga na nde maimberna... nakakastress... it's just one more thing i don't need in my life...
kaya i'll try to say what's on my mind.
marami nang nakapagsabi sa akin na nag-iba si kim dahil sa psi... nung una hindi ko napansin... ewan ko kung manhid ba talaga ako or what. lagi kasi kme magkasama ni kim noon pero i really can't say na close kme or what kc akala ko nagk-kwento sha sa akin pero iba pala naiiisip ko... i mean, noon, may sinabi shang problem sa akin tpos akala ko na yun na yun reason kung bakit na depress sha yun pla nag break sila ni myron.
tpos nagkwentuhan kme tpos may sinabi sila sa akin na sinabi ni kim na na-shock talaga ako...
so yeah napansin ko na nag-iba nga sha and i can't say if it's for the better or for the worse. pero in fairness, hindi ako naiimberna k kim... never nga eh actually... asar lang nung una kc parang wala shang mashadong pakialam sa schoolwork pero wala na akong magagawa ganun lang talga sha... family first... if you choose to watch movies on a school night over doing your project, i respect that.
hindi ko agad napansin yun change k kim pero yun k ja napansin ko.
it's all because of psi.
i don't know what the fuck psi is really about so i can't really say much about it.
pero si ja, sorry na lng, lalong tumigas ang ulo.
but then again, that's just my observation.
tapos nung unang panahon pa talaga ako naiimberna k santi--pero only when he starts talking crap about other people and other things- lalo na yang there are 3 types of teacher theory nya... tama si jona-- this is a recording.
don't get me wrong, i really like santi coz he's very different from the people i've been with while growing up.
he's a breath of fresh air, he's funny, he's loud, he's smart, but he can be very very arrogant. and that is NEVER good.
know you're good but never think that people are beneath you. taht is just sooo wrong.
i know never to take that "righteous" role coz i know i can't live up to it pero .. i don't know.
i'm just emotionally tired.
i've thought about the pros and cons of publishing this entry for quite a long time and i still can't decide.
pero what the hell ... i post na lang...
if this makes me a better person and if honesty redeems me from my "sins" by all means, i'll click publish post.
but it proabably won't
and it would probably just be another source of hard feelings
but
i don't know.
whatever na.
on a lighter note, i just got myself a date for valentines... haha! guess what i'll be doing??? feb 14 8pm star world. see ya there!
ps wag kayo magalit sa akin ha.
so i end up letting go of all the bad stuff inside me by telling it to someone... shempre i feel bad coz i feel like, actually, i am, talking about them behinde their backs... ayoko ng ganito.
so ano na?
e di ma gui-guilty ako and to try to relieve my overwhelming guilt, i try to 'make it up' to that person by being super nice and helpful.. ngayon, ang fake naman... ayoko talaga ng talking about people behind their backs pero i can't help it na... hindi kasi ako mahilig makipag-away and ayoko nang ma-stress...
lalo na ang babaw ng mga reasons kung bakit ako naiimberna.. for example... side commments that are totally unnecessary. yan talaga ang #1 kinabwibwisitan ko.... n yun mga parining na alam kong nakakasakit ng ibang tao... i just don't like it... at mga nagmamagaling na lumalabas na hindi naman talaga magaling dahil nagmamagaling sila--- gulo nun ha.
i don't know if alam nung mga tao na naiimberna na ako sa kanila pero i try hard talaga na nde maimberna... nakakastress... it's just one more thing i don't need in my life...
kaya i'll try to say what's on my mind.
marami nang nakapagsabi sa akin na nag-iba si kim dahil sa psi... nung una hindi ko napansin... ewan ko kung manhid ba talaga ako or what. lagi kasi kme magkasama ni kim noon pero i really can't say na close kme or what kc akala ko nagk-kwento sha sa akin pero iba pala naiiisip ko... i mean, noon, may sinabi shang problem sa akin tpos akala ko na yun na yun reason kung bakit na depress sha yun pla nag break sila ni myron.
tpos nagkwentuhan kme tpos may sinabi sila sa akin na sinabi ni kim na na-shock talaga ako...
so yeah napansin ko na nag-iba nga sha and i can't say if it's for the better or for the worse. pero in fairness, hindi ako naiimberna k kim... never nga eh actually... asar lang nung una kc parang wala shang mashadong pakialam sa schoolwork pero wala na akong magagawa ganun lang talga sha... family first... if you choose to watch movies on a school night over doing your project, i respect that.
hindi ko agad napansin yun change k kim pero yun k ja napansin ko.
it's all because of psi.
i don't know what the fuck psi is really about so i can't really say much about it.
pero si ja, sorry na lng, lalong tumigas ang ulo.
but then again, that's just my observation.
tapos nung unang panahon pa talaga ako naiimberna k santi--pero only when he starts talking crap about other people and other things- lalo na yang there are 3 types of teacher theory nya... tama si jona-- this is a recording.
don't get me wrong, i really like santi coz he's very different from the people i've been with while growing up.
he's a breath of fresh air, he's funny, he's loud, he's smart, but he can be very very arrogant. and that is NEVER good.
know you're good but never think that people are beneath you. taht is just sooo wrong.
i know never to take that "righteous" role coz i know i can't live up to it pero .. i don't know.
i'm just emotionally tired.
i've thought about the pros and cons of publishing this entry for quite a long time and i still can't decide.
pero what the hell ... i post na lang...
if this makes me a better person and if honesty redeems me from my "sins" by all means, i'll click publish post.
but it proabably won't
and it would probably just be another source of hard feelings
but
i don't know.
whatever na.
on a lighter note, i just got myself a date for valentines... haha! guess what i'll be doing??? feb 14 8pm star world. see ya there!
ps wag kayo magalit sa akin ha.
Hi Toni,
Ngayon lang ako nakacheck ng blog ulit. Tigas ba ng ulo ko? sensya kung naapektuhan ka.
I've always appreciated your honesty, lalo na sa blog. nakakatuwa nga for me, actually. But when I'm doing something wrong, i do appreciate people tell it to my face. (well, kahit masakit, mabuti ng nanggaling sa iyo kesa sa iba, hindi naman maiiwasan ang pag hurt ng feelings, as long as you have good intentions).
Hindi na ko gagawa ng excuse about my character. Siguro, inborn akong ganito, i kept it before, nilalabas ko lang ngayon, whatever, just leave it to that. Of course sometimes, i'm getting out of hand, but often times, i don't know, malalaman ko lang when i get feedback (usually sa iba pa), pag walang feedback, hindi ko alam.
come to think of it, we never did had the chance to explain anything to each other. maybe sometime, we could.. katulad sa ibang friends ko
question:
according to your interpretation, how am i "matigas ang ulo?"
Posted by
Jaja |
4:51 PM